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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Heart Day

Happy Love Day! I've been masterminding a bit of a blog revamp, but in the meantime, I thought I'd repost one of my past valentine's day confessions:

In light of Valentine's Day, I feel it's time to come clean. I can no longer deny that I have a serious problem with monogamy. Yes, I admit, I am a book cheater...

It all started when I'd shift between the pages of Dr. Seuss and P.D. Eastman books carelessly... all the while, neither book knew about the other. Call me naive, but I didn't know two-timing was wrong back then. Soon enough two books weren't enough to satisfy my book cheating urges... I'd move on to three, four, or five at a time. Board books, picture books, coloring books - it didn't matter how I satisfied my compulsion - I wasn't picky.

Things progressed grimly during my elementary years when the Scholastic Book Club reinforced my book cheating addiction even more. I'd purchase piles of books at a time despite the incredulous stares and whispers of my fellow classmates.

But I confess, I didn't just book cheat in school... I would have late night trysts with the pages of Roald Dahl books... and move on seamlessly to Katherine Paterson, Madeleine L'Engle, Shel Silverstein, and Beverly Cleary...

Fortunately, my early years weren't completely devoid of book monogamy. My Judy Blume phase was a time I'm proud to say I went steady with a book. It was good while it lasted... But then Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine dragged me into the depths of cheating again by their wicked plots and twisted writing. After that, I was right back to my dirty old book cheating habits.

As I matured into young adulthood, my book cheating grew worse. Once in college, I began cheating on fiction with non-fiction... and I cheated on non-fiction pleasure reading with academic reading... and then academic reading with TABLOID MAGAZINES! Good grief, it's disgraceful to own up to!

However, I can't take all the blame for my tainted book moral compass. There are book pushers who drive me to cheat with their "books for purchase" ploys. Yes, I'm referring to bookstores.

But with the warped help of Amazon, I no longer worry about the awkward glances from book pushing clerks while I peruse the shelves of Borders and Barnes and Noble adorned with a fake mustache disguise. Amazon has been a book cheating middle-man, making it all the more easy to find books willing to help me cheat on my other books in the privacy of my own home.

And Amazon's enabling ways don't stop there... Most recently I've gone down a new technologically sick book cheating path by cheating on my real books with my Amazon Kindle books. Does the shame ever end?! For the love of books, I need HELP people!

So tell me, my friends of the blog world (if you're still actually reading this...), am I the only one suffering in the depths of book cheating torment? I beg you to come forward so we can work together toward book monogamy... or, on second thought, we could trade books and begin a polygamous book cult.

Happy heart day to all and to all a good night!

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Blogger Jennie Bailey said...

I am such a book cheater! And I think it's one of the reasons that I married my husband - he cheats too! You should see our nightstands. I also keep a book in the car and one in my purse because you never know where you're going to be stuck and have time to read! Book on my nightstand being read: The Fault in Our Stars. Book in the purse: Deadline (Newsflesh Trilogy book 2). Book in the car: Linger. I'm drifting between teenage cancer, zombies and werewolfs without a problem!

February 17, 2012 at 3:53 PM  

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