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Sunday, February 14, 2010

My Confession...


In light of Valentine's Day, I feel it's time to come clean. I can no longer deny that I have a serious problem with monogamy. Yes, I admit, I am a book cheater...

It all started when I'd shift between the pages of Dr. Seuss and P.D. Eastman books carelessly... all the while, neither book knew about the other. Call me naive, but I didn't know two-timing was wrong back then. Soon enough two books weren't enough to satisfy my book cheating urges... I'd move on to three, four, or five at a time. Board books, picture books, coloring books - it didn't matter how I satisfied my compulsion - I wasn't picky.

Things progressed grimly during my elementary years when the Scholastic Book Club reinforced my book cheating addiction even more. I'd purchase piles of books at a time despite the incredulous stares and whispers of my fellow classmates.

But I confess, I didn't just book cheat in school... I would have late night trysts with the pages of Roald Dahl books... and move on seamlessly to Katherine Paterson, Madeleine L'Engle, Shel Silverstein, and Beverly Cleary...

Fortunately, my early years weren't completely devoid of book monogamy. My Judy Blume phase was a time I'm proud to say I went steady with a book. It was good while it lasted... But then Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine dragged me into the depths of cheating again by their wicked plots and twisted writing. After that, I was right back to my dirty old book cheating habits.

As I matured into young adulthood, my book cheating grew worse. Once in college, I began cheating on fiction with non-fiction... and I cheated on non-fiction pleasure reading with academic reading... and then academic reading with TABLOID MAGAZINES! Good grief, it's disgraceful to own up to!

However, I can't take all the blame for my tainted book moral compass. There are book pushers who drive me to cheat with their "books for purchase" ploys. Yes, I'm referring to bookstores.

But with the warped help of Amazon, I no longer worry about the awkward glances from book pushing clerks while I peruse the shelves of Borders and Barnes and Noble adorned with a fake mustache disguise. Amazon has been a book cheating middle-man, making it all the more easy to find books willing to help me cheat on my other books in the privacy of my own home.

And Amazon's enabling ways don't stop there... Most recently I've gone down a new technologically sick book cheating path by cheating on my real books with my Amazon Kindle books. Does the shame ever end?! For the love of books, I need HELP people!

So tell me, my friends of the blog world (if you're still actually reading this...), am I the only one suffering in the depths of book cheating torment? I beg you to come forward so we can work together toward book monogamy... or, on second thought, we could trade books and begin a polygamous book cult.

Happy heart day to all and to all a good night!



*Best Wishes & Lipstick Kisses*

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23 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

I'm a book cheater!!! I admit it!!! I am also proud of it! I love that there are so many books out there that I don't have enough time to read them all! It allows me to alawys have something to keep me occupied!

February 14, 2010 at 6:08 PM  
Blogger Adriana said...

This is such an awesome post! I'm exactly the same way, I'll usually read 2 or 3 books at a time plus a bunch of magazines that I have. My room is filled with Vogues, Bazaars, W's etc. that I've had since I was 12 and a bunch of books that I still need to read. Because of that I have to read more than one or else I'd never finish them all.

February 14, 2010 at 8:09 PM  
Blogger DL Hammons said...

That was hilarious...and timely. Nice job!

February 14, 2010 at 8:12 PM  
Blogger Medeia Sharif said...

I'm a book cheater, too.

Happy Valentine's Day.

February 14, 2010 at 8:53 PM  
Blogger Amy Holder said...

Thanks for the comments!

Jen - Yay! Book cheaters unite!

Adriana - We have a lot in common! I have too many books and magazines to count. I can barely keep up with them.

DL - Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Medeia - So glad you can relate. :) Happy Valentine's Day!

February 14, 2010 at 9:37 PM  
Blogger Lira said...

Book monogamy is for silly romantics. I remember several years ago when I finally said, "No! DO NOT have to finish you!" and how incredibly awesome that was. You can suck it, Steven King's Insomnia! You can suck it, "Sushi for Beginners!" Oh, the relief!

February 15, 2010 at 3:55 PM  
Blogger Dangerous With a Pen said...

This made me laugh. :) So true!

I am, at any given time, reading at least one fiction book (maybe two), something nonfiction, Time Magazine, random parenting magazines that I hate but feel like I have to read to keep up with trends that I don't bother keeping up with anyway. And now I have added to my book polygamy books about writing. Sometimes I even throw in a professional development book for my actual job.

I wonder how I have time to do anything else? :)

Loved this post!

February 15, 2010 at 10:06 PM  
Blogger Dangerous With a Pen said...

Oh and I loved the picture you posted with this! :D

And my verification word is "audesest" which is so evilly opposite a real word that it's hard to type...

February 15, 2010 at 10:07 PM  
Blogger Nicole Ducleroir said...

Hello! I found your blog by way of Julie Dao's site. Glad to meet you, and congrats on the upcoming 2011 release of your book!!

I was a terrible book cheater before I had kids. Now, I stick to one book at a time. Here's something that drives me crazy about myself: I can't NOT finish a book. Even if I hate it, I keep reading to the end. Hubby gets fed up with my whining and tells me to just quit reading the damn book. But I can't. (*sigh*) I just can't.

I look forward to reading more from you!

February 15, 2010 at 10:57 PM  
Blogger Amy Holder said...

Thanks for all the comments!

Lira - lol! Your comment made me laugh! Sounds like you're a book dumper rather than a cheater. Or do you cheat first, and then dump the less desirable book?

Dangerous With a Pen - I'm right with you - book polygamy is a tough job that takes up way too much time! I'd have to add reading blogs to my polygamous list as well... that's my new addiction. Thanks for the comments!

Nicole - thanks for checking out my blog! I look forward to checking yours out too!

Sometimes I feel guilty if I don't finish a book. I try to stay committed to reading until the end, but sometimes I can't muster it if I'm bored with a book and another book is calling my name. I'll usually go back to finish the dumped book at some point or another. I guess I'm a yo-yo booker. :-)

February 16, 2010 at 3:30 PM  
Blogger Tess said...

These comments are cracking me up :D :D. I guess I am a book cheater. I think 'if reading one is good, then reading four must be super fantastic'. Not sure it always works that way, but...

Hey, I saw your previous post on 2k11. Is there any room in that group for another MG debut author??? I'd sure be interested.

February 16, 2010 at 9:01 PM  
Blogger Guinevere said...

I'm a book cheater too! Sometimes a book comes along that holds my attention so closely I can't get away (the stalker book, the one that always knows where you are anyway...). But for the most part, I like to slip off and try other books on the side. My attention tends to wander.

February 16, 2010 at 9:47 PM  
Blogger Amy Holder said...

I'm so glad I'm not alone on the book cheating front! Maybe we should all start a support group...

Tess - I sent the 2k11 info your way. :-)

Guinevere - Love your stalker book analogy - lol! It's so true! I love it when I find a good stalker book...

February 16, 2010 at 11:24 PM  
Blogger GreenBeanTeenQueen said...

LOL-I love it! I've always been a book cheater too-and there are many many times I won't finish a book just because it stops to hold my interest. I don't force myself to finish a book. I typically have about five books I'm reading at one time-one at home, one at work, one on audio at work, one in the car, and one as a backup.

February 17, 2010 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger Amy Holder said...

Wow - five books at once! You're a pro book cheater, GreenBeanTeenQueen! I'm impressed! I vote for you to be our book cheating cult leader if we ever create a polygamous book cult - lol! :-)

February 17, 2010 at 11:08 PM  
Blogger Dawn Simon said...

My name is Dawn, and I'm a book cheater. Hee! You're super funny! :)

Thanks for visiting and following my blog! How exciting that you're one of the Elevensies! Congrats! Also, I like the name of your book--sounds fun!

February 18, 2010 at 11:44 PM  
Blogger Lily Robinson said...

A good friend and my oldest granddaughter are book cheaters. They keep different books in different rooms of the house...

I envy their ability to read several books simultaneously.

February 18, 2010 at 11:46 PM  
Blogger Shannon Messenger said...

Hi!

I just found your blog today--no idea how I missed it all this time--and I really enjoyed this post.

I am SO a book cheater--and all this time I thought I was alone in my struggles. ;)

Anyway, I hope you don't mind that I'm following you now (in the NON stalkerish sense of the term) because I love connecting with other writers. Have a good weekend!

February 19, 2010 at 12:48 PM  
Blogger Amy Holder said...

Dawn - LOL! I love your book cheaters anonymous intro! thanks for the congrats and for checking out my blog! :)

Lily - Don't be envious of our cheating ways - lol. Actually, I love it when I find a book so captivating that I have no interest in cheating. :)

Shannon - Thanks for finding and following my blog! I can't wait to start stalking...er, I mean, following your blog! I love connecting with other writers too!!!

February 19, 2010 at 7:19 PM  
Blogger Keri Mikulski said...

Love this post!!! Me too. :)

February 19, 2010 at 8:46 PM  
Blogger Alissa said...

I've gotten to be a bit more monogamous in my book reading of late.

If you stop by my Slightly More Than Dirt blog I have a blog award waiting for you.

February 21, 2010 at 12:19 PM  
Blogger Stephen Tremp said...

I'm reading three books right now. Crazy, I know. But that's the way it goes. At least I finish them. Sometimes later than sooner, but I'll finish them.

Stephen Tremp

February 24, 2010 at 8:14 PM  
Blogger Amy Holder said...

Keri - Thanks!

Alissa - Thanks for the award! I plan on passing it along soon!

Stephen - Thanks for checking out my blog and admitting your book cheating ways! :)

February 25, 2010 at 3:00 PM  

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